its the sun and the flower.
and the colours of the rainbow.
these are some of the things i love. <3



I am just like the sun and you the flower. I’ll provide sunlight for you to blossom. Sometimes, clouds will prevent me from reaching you. But you’ll know that I’m always trying to reach you. Just wait for the clouds to clear if you can’t receive my sunlight (:

my head hurts.

enough. enough. enough.
really, when I said it 3 times, i really mean that its enough.
why are the people closest to me always hurting me with words time and again.
its like, some of them dont even understand me.
and yet they think they do...
sigh.

but yet something dawned on me. why am i doing this? i dont even have any status to do so. i really dont.

why are so many pple against the idea.
dont wanna think already.
my day's ruined.

sorry i didnt turn up for SMU thingy.
my parents wanted me to go for some gathering with a close family friend.
and its been a really long time since I've seen them and it'd be rude not to turn up.
hope you guys had fun. =)

and gosh..my external harddisk died on me. ='(
my shows, my work, everything gone.
oh harddisk, harddisk.."how do I live without you..." haha.
my harddisk's spoilt and I am still lame-ing.
i must be nuts.

and sii, i havent really got around to thanking you...thanks for the encouraging note on monday. thanks alot girl. you're loved. =)

am i still me?
have i really changed?

=)

so tired. gym training killed me. only 5 of us went. and we had a "blast" of a time with coach scrutinizing us man. cuz well. his hawk eyes could easily cover 5. geez.

i just realized something. i love beach volleyball. its only during beach volley that I can receive balls properly because I dare to roll around in the sand (and of course...become mua chi. >.<")

tireddd.
and arghh!! I helped madd madd to find her eye candy on friendster..and oh boy, i made her add the wrong person. Wahahaaa. so paisehs. shyt.

and piggy! puzzle time lo! you're still sleeping!!

thanks for accompanying me for waffle-ing during lunch. and please forget the unglam parts. hahaa.

what would you do and how would you feel if 2 of the posessions you loved repelled each other one day? which posession would you side? would you side any? why cant like poles of a magnet connect. it makes the world a better place sometimes.. haiz.

i can see that my class has a pair of lovebirds so lost in their own world. =D haha. so sweet lars. =) who ar? who? *grins* wishing you 2 forever love! but honestly, they very matching. bleah. haha =)

changing blog layout soon. once i find the time. as usual. haha.
paging for piggggg. if you're a pig, please wake up and respond to the call. rawr! =P

ah ma has lizard crap, mouse poo, cockroach eggs and drool in her left ear...(Skilled. drool straight into ear) hahaa. =)
ah ma listens to mi lu bing too! =D
ah ma erm hem. hahaas.

went to eat steamboat with madd madd, shu and alex at bugis just now. i was dragged along laaa. no appetite still go..waste money =( I think i only ate $4/ $15 of food.they eat 2 hrs of food, i ate only slightly more than half hour..and all were fishballs and lame stuffs like rice cake and my favourite straw mushrooms. haha.
shu went to order cupcakes for a friend's bday too.. the cupcakes are just simply soo cute! but the store had this really headachey music. It sounded like a kid who just started learning the violin and was having fun pulling and plucking the bow through the strings. urgh. avant garde.


I couldnt eat anymore, so while I waited for them to finish, I got too bored. Started playing with a piece of rice cake..broke it into pieces and tried to fix it back like a puzzle...haha. i'm practicing kkies! its Art. hahaa. =|

obstacles one after another. =(
when will these obstacles end.

"I am just like the sun and you the flower. I’ll provide sunlight for you to blossom. Sometimes, clouds will prevent me from reaching you. But you’ll know that I’m always trying to reach you. Just wait for the clouds to clear if you can’t receive my sunlight." -quote of the day =)

mole <3

building the trust back. lil' by lil'.
its the final straw. it either works out or it ends.
keeping what left of my shield on now...

"... is giving them the ability to, but trusting them enough not to..." this phrase look familiar?

scared.i.am.
giving it the last try.
=)

my leftover dinner from bedok hawker. more than half bowl.
haha. i am gonna slim down alot this way.
had a pau and blueberry tart to last me the whole day.
first time i wasnt hungry at all. i never even thought of eating.
and plus diarrhoea upon reaching home...my slimming target can be achieved soon. lol.

that lock and key i held so dear. imissmunchy.imisstheconnection.imissfoodpuzzles.imissbombsinminesweeperflag.imissthewarmth.

没有希望就不会有失望.
可是,太迟了.受了伤.
i still carry the slightest hope that I know I shouldnt be carrying. but i felt something shared that i've never felt before. my secret desires. my endless hopes.

sorry for worrying you my classmates. I didnt mean to look like i was on the brim of tears in class today. sorry for troubling you guys.

the same dark silhouette i imagined sitting on the bench at the same station same place same time same blur smile every morning. would you be there?
i guess not.i darent hope.

mel.dont hope. 没有希望就不会有失望.
time and again i tried fixing back the hairband that has accompanied me through endless trainings...

but for now, i am gonna fight. a mask i wear. go go studies. go go vball. go go mel.

dear friends...thank you for attempting to cheer me up. you all're loved. =)

And so, the rising sun set. the birds flew home. the tides rolled out. and I sit by the shore...alone. appreciating the beauty of the things around me. the sounds of the soothing sea. the sound of bicycle wheels in the background.

and night fell. i grabbed my sandals and slowly walked away, leaving behind my footprints in the sand which were gradually washed away by the ebbing tide. its time to go home..

FYP I is finally over. i dont care about the outcome already...i am just glad to get it done and over with. now i have one less burden. i need a break.
physical and mental breakdown.

went to sentosa after that, but felt that i shouldnt have gone. Didnt play much ball, it was gloomy and drizzling. i only went there to feel even worse. mushroom, why cant you tell me what you know and I dont...I just need someone to tell me.
everyone's saying different things.
anyway, was eating ice cream on a chair while watching zp's and eug's match.and...some ball flew straight into my hands and knocked my whole cup of icecream off laa!~it ended up staining my shirt and bye bye icecream...just as well, i didnt feel like eating it. but it became chocolate with peanut toppings!(well, its actually lots of sand.hahaa) just wanted to make something wasted sound nicer.

what should i do...
Kelly Clarkson-
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.

I really wanna believe what my heart believes.
to close my eyes and shut everything else out.
will i nvr pass this.
issit another one of those cases.

thanks partner and mushroom for being there for me. you 2 are very much loved. =)

mum and dad loved the LOVE letter. lols.

miss. missed. why.
didnt take a single pic today.

had tiong bahru market's rojak and sii was busy helping me finish my rojak and longans laa. haha. yum yum~! but the tau kwar pop was so bitter today =(

Once again, mel is breaking down.

crying because she doesnt know what to believe, and who to trust.
crying because she's had alot on her mind recently.
crying because of her insecurities.
crying because her team lost the match.
crying because the team felt so sad.
crying because she's so stressed out for FYP presentation tmr.
crying because she feels so lost.
crying because she's being scolded by her parents.
crying because she's gonna be closely monitored by her parents.
crying because she sees everyone so troubled.
crying because she's really tired.
crying because she has to ignore a friend.
crying because a friend bluffed her.
crying because she feels horrid.
crying because a friend ignored her like really ignored.
crying because she feels broke.
crying because of everything.
crying because she dunno if everything's worth what it is.

argh. ignore me. i am just pms-ing. =(

12am. bathe. sleep. tmr screw up time. in sch by 8am. stand for 2 hours. go sentosa. thats it. get it over and done with. mel jiayou.

girls, jiayou. molly, kaixuan jiayou. *hugs*

stomachacheee.
only slept for 2.5 hours.
need to study for ut ltr.
it invovles maths.
and i did no practice.
am positively a walking zombie now.
diededdd.

feeling so so so so tired mann.
made a promise and shall keep to it until the day someone breaks it first.
then i'll walk away.

sleep sleeep.stomachacheeeee.ahhh.
zzz.

should i.
i dont wanna get hurt again.
and i already am.

My favourite hairband broke into 2 when i was taking off my jacket. its my favourite green hairband... ='(
God's hinting to me too, isnt he.

i hate feeling the way i am feeling now. it just so isnt me...
history's gonna repeat itself isnt it.

felt so screwed during training.
quarelled and walked off without my good friend before training.
nothing's going right today.

stomachache. bathe. study ut. sleep.
dont thinkkk.

i drew my teammates in class on presentation vanguard sheet ytd. haha.

puzzles.more puzzles! =))

words express my thoughts and feelings. emoticons reinstates and enhances it.

glad i managed to persuade you to turn up today! hahas.
thanks for da fang-ing with me. also ah,my finger and knee buah the road until sore alrdy lo. haha.
i miss that given coined nick of mine somehow. =(

how can i trust?

the girls lost to NP by 2 points in the 5th set yesterday. they were so heartbroken...especially when they had the confidence to win. Its just that they werent in their top form to receive first balls ytd. jiayous k girls. dont give up! =( next match hui gen hao de~~! fight on! =)

oh my tian..I am so tired my eyelids are starting to weigh a ton. cant think already. goodnite all =) loves. <3.

p.s. nana, thanks for the mushroom! =) haha.

bbq...was such a lonely event for me.
rahh. i still cant believe i forgot to ask everyone.
played with my bro's friend's 3 month old golden retriever..it was so hyper active and cute!
i love puppies...its a pity i never got a chance to keep one. =(
but i'll rmb that dad promised me a long time ago, that when i get married, he'll get me 3 dogs.( i dont know why 3. hahas)

was chatting with my kor's friend who added me on msn since some magic show day just now...and i was so shocked by the kind of idea he fed me regarding guys.
here's what he said:

guys will always ask for it
guys only wan 2 thing
money and sex
guys wan a career for money
they wan love because of sex
think abt it
its a harsh reality

is that true? i held to my stand that guys werent liddat. but he got me pretty disillusioned about love. i mean, what kinda guy is he to think that way man?! all 24 years old think this way?! i mean, isnt there such a thing as pure love?no ulterior motive?
i have no idea...

anyway, while searching for remedies of headache just now, i came across a list of phobias...and well. i realized i got pretty much of them. here's just part of my list, excluding the weird ones.

aeronausiphobia: fear of vomiting due to air sickness
anthropophobia: fear of people
astraphobia: fear of lightning and thunder
dinophobia: fear of dizziness
isolophobia: fear of being left alone
myctophobia: fear of darkness
necrophobia: fear of death
phasmophobia/spectrophobia: fear of ghosts
philophobia: fear of falling in love

haha. so many right. mel's a scardy cat. =x

aiyoo. please take care ahh!!! you, you and you! with mel's TLC toilet roll for xiao mo gu and TLC paracetamol for mrbicycleboy, sure get well very quickly de. hahaha.

another msn chat got me super duper pissed.
mel: who gg?
!@#$: forget it.you always ps in the end.
mel: ok.
!@#$: its not like its the first time.
mel: ok then.wadever.
!@#$: u noe best.
mel: yeah yeah. wadever. i dont have parents like yours. and if u think those are excuses, then fuck off.

i couldnt help it. i was too pissedddd. people whose parents grant them freedom, never understand what its like to have strict parents. and well. i get blamed. not because I dont wanna go. but because my parents dont allow me to. they wont even hear of it. like what can i do? run away from home? oh pleasee.
like wth is wrong with yr attitude that everyone wants to kill u huh?
ego-ism is not gonna take you anywhere.
i'm never gonna listen to you complain anymore.
thats the limit of being your friend.
and i had enough. i really had. first it was lies. then this.
i've really had it.

signing off !@$%^@!##%#^&.

ps. hope you all recover soon....nana thanks for cheering me up. haha. and u're still a smelly piggg! bathe sooo fast one. hahas. =P

wanna thank chia zhi qiang and tony for accompanying me home ytd.
totally suey laa. me, jan, eugene and tony totally missed our last train home..by just a minute or so.
my heart dropped when i saw the flashboard "last train to boon lay- arrived"
and i was still like...more than a minute run away. gosh.
so eugene and tony took 33 with me home. (last bus 33 too) ><
i'm not gonna hang out so late again. its like, i've come across 2 last trains within the month already.geez.
and apparently, i created more trouble for those 2, especially him la. sorry!! i feel so bad~~

and like last week, i slept like a pig till 12.37pm again. gosh.
bought the latest issue of CLEO just now.
i totally forgot my sis and bro were throwing some bbq get together for their friends today, and i didnt invite my friends!! urgh. how lonely can i get now.
i am like stoning on my lappy and refusing to get down to start the fire..(but honestly, the actual reason is because I suck at starting fires =x hahas.)
ok..gonna drag my lazy bum down now. darn it. i am getting fat again...i need to slim downnnnn. rahh. mel's always the fatass. i need to get an addiction to a fruit like molly. she's positively on apples. gonna show her the article how to swap apples for nuts and kiwis in CLEO instead. haha

and OH YEAH !! Congrats to rp pol-ite girls for winning SP ytd! wooot woot!! i still cant get over the fact we won! wheeee! congrats congrats and go go jiayou!! next target, TP! =DDD jiayou jiayouuuu!!!

Guys team, jiayou tooo~~~! Fight your hardest! =)

2. sometimes love is expressed openly, sometimes love is expressed silently. whos love is then more worthy? its a shame nowadays people just see and feel and view love on the surface like the waters above the deeps. but who was e one who sacrificed the most? i dont know man, i guess this issue isnt for me to judge or say anything.
its a shame.. really.

-quoted from partner's blog

here's what i feel towards it...
i feel that to love someone silently is admirable.
but honestly, the one who hides his/her love, are you really sure that's best for the other party? have you ever thought how the other party might have felt? you might think its the best option, but have you ever put yourself in the shoes of the other person? how the person might have felt being ignored or pushed away?
i guess it not in my position to give much comments about it anyway. but having experienced it before, in the other person's point of view, i have to point out how other party's feeling too.
to people who love others silently, express the love (not too often) or you'll risk losing it...without ever knowing if it was in ever in your grasp before.

and what is love really?
what is love?
to me, love is all about connection between 2 people. the compromises between 2 people. the care and concern between 2 people. the communication between 2 people. the way 2 people clique with one another. the selflessness displayed for each other.
the amount of interests they share. how interconnected their lives are. to only want each other and nobody else. that to me is classified under my dictionary of love. but well. its ambiguous. its still a pending definition.

training.sucked. i shouldnt have gone today.i really shouldnt have.
i feel so...such a waste of time. i cant even da fang at the corner without coach being angry or taking the ball away.
what am i fighting for, honestly.
my love for the sport can only take me so far.

felt so giddy suddenly ytd. had been having stomachache and diarrhoea the whole of ytd as well.. its like my whole room was spinning unless i shut my eyes.
felt better today. but the stomachache and giddyness is still half there.sigh.
mel get well!
get healthy!!!

everything's ambiguous. everything and everyone. who's to trust, who's to not.
i'm sorry if i hurt anyone with my blunt words sometimes...
i'm sorry.
i've got issues with myself.

saw a piece of news on tv today.
my grandma's 10th floor neighbour, died after childbirth. and her whole family was sobbing away.
she's barely 40. and she's gone just liddat. leaving behind 2 daughters and the twins she just gave birth to. and the reason why? bled to death. SHE HAD NO BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS PACKETS available. is this all fated? it scares me to see people i know, die...it shows me the fragility of life.
people who are able to donate blood..please donate. for the sake of these unnecessary lives lost...

jiajing.its great to hear that he's out of hospital. its great to hear he can walk by himself again. i believe he'll be up and ready to fight in court again. i know he will. his passion and love for vball will help him stand up and fight.

jumbled. jumbled. jumbled.
i just feel like running away from everything.

listening to: Never let you go.

i wanna improve alot more in volleyball.
i want and i will.
mum doesnt let me go for the upcoming kelong trip.
oh well.
it doesnt matter.
i have my own consolations back here. =)

dear rp pol-ite team girls, go go jiayou kkies!
do our school proud.
do us proud.
i know you all can do it.
i have faith in you girls.
get the medals!
woot!
i'll support you girls morally~!
go go partner! (and thanks for big bird. haha. though i dunno why i resemble something big, fat, yellow and covered with feathers. =| ) =)

guys team, jiayou too. it high time you won back the victory from nyp. trash them if u must. =) you guys are stronger already. all you all need to do is to believe in yourselves. rp ace ah!!!
and i'm still counting on you to play my part and make me smile too. hahas =D
i'll be watching!!! yes. you. =)

no doubt i lost in 4 on 4 today, but i had a really enjoyable time with the 3 of them.
here's a recap of the matches:
tony lost the last ball of the quarter finals. it smacked right into his chest instead of his arms. haha.
eugene, well...i set the 2nd last ball to him, so confident he will spike it right, but the ball flew to hongkong again! LOL. and he made me swiss roll twice on the floor in the new jersey. rawr!
cricket boy ended the first 2 games with a spectacular spike and a smelly ball. hahas.
end of story. =P
good summary right? hahahas.
always count on mel for a wonderful story. ^^V

your sweet jepalang dessert's giving me a tummy acheeee! eek =|||!

rena..thanks for your tip off.
yeah. i dont deny i am feeling really horrible inside right now.
its like my insides are all mixed up.
i'm pissed and upset all at the same time. ='(

i...dunno what to believe now.

who should i believe?
was i just some smokescreen all along like zhiping said?

<3 *piangs*

no more mood to study for ut already. my very first F for UT coming up.

thanks alot for the sweetest desserts. i really had fun today...
thanks tony and cricket boy too.
team relax rawk on.

sigh.

change blog layout.
change blog layout.
change blog layout.
3 months later...
still the same layout.

urgh~
was too bored. no motivation to study for upcoming UT on monday and tuesday.so i went blog hopping.
yeps. everyone had fantastic blog layouts. yeps.at least 2 out of 3 that i visited did. I guess girls have a niche' over guys in blog layouts. all girls, except probably me, who cant really comprehend this ohwhycantifigurethisout photoshop and frontpage, or well, whatever they use to make the layout. i simply go to www.blogskins.com, click on a layout. enter. save.enter. copy.paste. done.
haha. simple. but so unoriginal. rawrs.

got jerked away by mum this morning.
ok well, afternoon.
but hey ,it was an early afternoon okays.
only 12.40pm.
yeps. i slept a sound 10 hours for the first time in a whole week. mon-thur clocked only 19 hrs sleep in total.
dunno why also.
guess i was too tired out.
yada yada. i'm not a pig.

playing volleyball 4 on 4 mixed at tiong bahru CC tmr. well. and i dunno most of my teammates anyway, they are more or less people i exchange a few greetings with. oh well. come on mel. be sociable. hahas. just hope i dont screw up tmr! and i hope i can get something out of it!

hmms.
darn it.
URGHHH.
i wanna lose weight!!
i cant lose my flabbbb!
flabbbieeeees~~
flabby arm, flabby legs, flabby tummy.urghs.
why cant i get a figure like..hmm..the girl in transformers?emma watsons?
well, ok, i wanted to say jessica alba. but hey, that would make a good unrealistic dream.
i just love food.
food addict~~~!
everytime i walk thru the canteen, i just gotta buy food.
everytime i walk into my kitchen, i just gotta open the fridge.
yikes. this is habitual. someone stop me please!

giddy.been feeling giddy recently again.
catching a flu? or thinking too much?
too irritated by FYP report? or issit just because I dont sleep enough.
darn it. i wish i knew myself better.
i wish i knew what i am thinking.

someone watch huan huan ai please! its veryyyy nicee! haha.
my favourite yuan yi and ah meng are inside! wheee. but i think yang cheng lin's best friend is prettier than her. haha. but wadever, yuan yi and ah meng are cutest! =x ok. i sound so flower eat. cant stand it. -__-"

2.04am. gotta wake up at 10 tmr. goodnite~
shall make it a point to learn to make my own entire original layout soon.
yeah. soon. soon soon. sooon sooon sooon..

life's never fair. it has never been and never will be.

its funny how life works sometimes.
you try so hard for something, you dont get it whereas some others get it with just a lift of one finger.
it makes you wonder, why even bother striving? there's no point.

life's never fair.
good people who havent done anything wrong end up with all the bad stuffs happening to them.
look at jan's friend. look at jia jing. look at princess diana. they've done no wrongdoings. but they become liddat. whereas horrible people go off scott free.healthy and all.
so tell me, when has life been fair? when?

whywhywhy.

you look good in photos. you really do. why dont you ever believe me.
forget it. forget it. dont post then dont post.

its you. you. who?

kelong.i'm really looking forward to it. the peace. the stars. the sound of the waves. the friends. the escape.
fell asleep on the sand by sentosa beach today. the sound of the waves calmed my emotions. the gentle caress of the wind carried my troubles away. i was at peace with the world then.
jan jan wrote "wake up, ok?" and i guessed that God must have seen it.
her friend woke up. he really did. he's starting to gain consciousness.
so i wrote on the sand the word "believe". I believe jiajing will get well soon and play the vball he loves so dearly. believe.

playing BRAG basketball with yongjun and molly tmr. hope i dont get bruises again. darnit. i am not that good in bball. haha.

self-demoralizing. i hate myself. why cant i be talented in the things i <3. why cant i <3 like i used to.

i feel like giving up.

*-Melissa Ng. :]
*-090188
*-Capricorn.
*-Republic poly-Biotechnology. Year 3.
*-standing at a mere 163 cm. :|

LOVES
*-winter holidays
*-teddies
*-romance
*-the one who can make me smile. :]
*-colors: green, pink, blue
*-pumps [:
*-watching stars by the beach
*-donuts!
*-pretty stuffs
*-music. its my life.
*-sweet memories
*-to be loved and to love
*-beach volleyball
*-those havaianas slippers
*-NUM wear
*-puppies
*-hamsters
*-ice-skatingg
*-pretty earrings

HATES
*-cockroaches! EWWW.
*-jerks
*-ghosts :|
*-being heartbroken
*-people who make me cry
*-cocky people
*-backstabbers.

WANTS
*-that YOU
*-everything for my family
*-everything for my friends
*-to stay happy everyday
*-to slim down
*-to be pampered

Madd
Rena
Janjan
Ah ma
Sissy donkey
mr.lion kai
felicia
Junguang
Sueann
Gillian
Shuhui
Jiehui
Jasmine

TableLayouts&codes: your.sweetestsin?
Image:
getty images
(c)mel

June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
September 2008
October 2008
January 2009
February 2009

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You’re the only love I’ll need

In my life you’re all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You’re the one that’s there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Imagine me without you
I’d be lost and so confused
I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it’s just impossible
Because of you, it’s all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can’t imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
You’re love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard me calling
And you rush to set me free

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you
I can’t imagine me without you