its the sun and the flower.
and the colours of the rainbow.
these are some of the things i love. <3



I am just like the sun and you the flower. I’ll provide sunlight for you to blossom. Sometimes, clouds will prevent me from reaching you. But you’ll know that I’m always trying to reach you. Just wait for the clouds to clear if you can’t receive my sunlight (:

thanks alien, the one who tagged on my tagboard. haha.

but i've taken the 26th jan SAT already, and regretting so much that i didnt have time to study. might be thinking of resitting it. the stress, the horror, of seeing everyone from rjc, and all the other top schools scribbling away while i stare blank at a couple of questions which i know i will be able to do if i had time to even do the mathematical questions on my SAT assesment book. and for once, i was a loner there. everyone had their group of friends taking the SATs together, and i had no one. it felt so lonely there and then. I know i should learn to be independent, so i tried acting confident, for naught. i think my fear was plastered all over my face; it fooled no one la. hahaha.

forget about the scandalous post, too lazy to write and upload pictures. =|

how time flies.
tomorrow will be the last day of school for me and plenty of my friends. Even though i hated the way RP functions, PBL style --> totally NOT beneficial for a person like me who opens my mouth only when i'm in the mood, i've come to realize i'll actually miss this place loads. I feel more bonded here than in my secondary school particularly because of the group of friends i have made throughout these 3 years. my vball girls, my W35L class which i've nvr forgotten (it was so much fun), my E37H aka W56L class..all these friends made my life in RP an enjoyable one. =) thanks peeps.

ok, no more emo, no more emo. time to panic and weigh my options. what should i do? continue in science but switch to biomedical sciences? or give it up and go for business which looks equally tempting to me?

sigh. i know how much those people in dramas hate it when their lives have been carefully planned out for them from they day they were born, but sometimes, i wish i were in their shoes. I'm one who wouldnt mind going with the flow, as long as it makes sense of course. It'll give us lesser worries, lesser white hair lo!

as for you and me,
its give and take. i dunno how much we can give in to each other, but as for the time being, i'll try to give in more. ha. now that i'm graduating, our schedules might be different. and i know how even a short period of absence from one another might kill things (seeing how we ALWAYS quarrel after 2-3 days of absence) lols. so lets go with the flow. whatever will be will be ok?

tmr shall be a happy last day of school~ to everyone who's graduating, i hope you guys and girls will find something you love, something you have the passion for, and go for it. goodluck ppl (:

i wanna lose more weight! =| i know my goal is 45kg..but thats still about 1.5kg away. >_<

i didnt pick up his call.

i just wanna be alone for the moment. sry.

last ut le. i should be studying but i dont have the mood to study.
my dad consulted his lecturer friend ytd, and she said anyone having a gpa below 3.5, wouldnt stand a chance against SMU, so where am i supposed to go then? if only FYP didnt screw my grades bad, if only that didnt make my life topsy turvy.
what am i supposed to do now? dad doesnt approve of me going into SIM. he wants me overseas. 3 years overseas. studying business. alone. anyone up for it? i think i'll go crazy there, like honestly.
who can hear me out? i feel so lost.
he cant hear me out, he'll only ask me not to think, but i cant not think anymore. its a week till i graduate. thats why i feel so lost i cant even pick up his calls. i dunno what to say.

i hate changes. i so do. i feel so lost. why does everyone know what they wanna do alrdy?

went out to chinatown with baby to buy new year stuffs for my house, ended up only buying a mini basket for oranges. lol. the crowd gave me a headache.
and then we had porridge. (he claims its the best porridge, wait till i make him try tiong bahru's!) and there was this weird raw fish with lime thing...which he made me try. but i think i still prefer salmon with soya sauce & wasabi anytime. =|

then night time went out with my mum and sis to fareast square. bought shoes! =D
here are my lovely shoes.







next post: a scandalous one.
till then, xoxo, gossip girls. ha.

WTF.














so much for trust.
heart cant take it anymore.



on an ending note,
shocking news of the day: RENA PAINTED HER NAILS (GLITTER!). =O

havent been feeling well recently.

never in tip top condition. especially at night. i always feel breathless at night laa. and recently i just keep getting skip beats and heart palpitations again. darn it. when will i be able to get rid of this stupid problem of mine.
i cant get overly excited or happy or it will just hit me. sigh. feel miserable.

things to constantly worry about and fret over never ends.
university admissions
growing up
getting white hair
skip beats

stupid painful gigantic ulcer in my mouth. refusing to disappear and growing bigger and more painful each day. even with tlc watermelon powder (it hurts so bad everytime i put it on my ulcer!)

whats next. sigh.

maybe you're right. maybe i'm useless. rendered useless. why.


p.s. mo gu, i thought of what to get you for your birthday le. *winks* =)

ok. so whats this all about again.
the ropes are tightening around me and all i can do is flutter my wings in hope it loosens and hurt less.
painted pictures in my mind gets blown away by the strong winds one after another.
my dreams get dashed.
to up my hopes i dare not.

i hate this helpless feeling.
it just makes me wanna shut every damn thing out.

and i know i wont hear it tonight.
i need to breathe.

sometimes all these incidents and words said just leave me feeling the song lyrics:
"你想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的"

it sets me thinking: is that really the case? were things set to be doomed from the start like the song mentioned? upsetted.

these days my moods fluctuate like the roller coasters controlled by you. i can easily say its topsy turvy now.

when things i do, never get appreciated. its like doing something again and again without achieving your aim.
and when the doubts never end.

the message of playing maple with me tonight was one just to dash another of my painted pictures, isnt it.
man, i need to stop believing in every single thing i do. too keep from feeling disappointed time and again, isnt it.

vicks and watermelon powder are my best companions for tonight.

damnnit. you stupid ulcer. i wish i could magick you away. it hurts alot alot!! ='( ahhh. someone just chop it off. zzz.

baby made me so touched today.
surprised me by running to the opposite chinese medicinal shop to get me watermelon powder for my hurting sore throat and ulcer after his ut.

thanks. (:

partnie and rena! thanks for your belated birthday present! i love it alot. a perlini star shaped pendant. its really nice. i shall wear it very often. because it'll remind me of you 2.. =) and btw, wah lao! who is the sleeping dinosaur! spank you 2's butts ah!

today was a really relaxing day. GMP was a breeze. played asshole dai dee with 7 other classmates today. so fun laa. it was fun to rotate being king and queen and asshole. lol.

Had dinner with the rest of the team for one last time as a team before we graduate i think.
so saddening laaa. i feel like the bonds we've are gonna be broken by time. ='( and much as i dont want it to happen. i'm afraid its a fact that unless there's time, we'll seldom have time for each other anymore. so saddening.

my ulcer hurts bad. =(
my throat's following up after the fries and fish and chips... nehneh ='(

thanks for the volleyball shirt everyone! love it! =)
and for the really touching clip. heng i told myself i cannot cry beforehand le. i knew something liddat was gonna come up. haha. =| ='( i ren so hard laaa. aiyoyo.

a song sings a thousand words.
to me, you're so near yet so far.

whats in store for me after i graduate? its time to sit and think it through.
hitting 20 had a huge impact on me, to tell me its time to grow up and not live in self-denial. i feel like i'm in a transition to the "welcome reality, goodbye fairytale" world.

to strive for what i wanna achieve.
what do i wanna achieve?

spiltting headache;
who's there to care.
or hear me out.

looking at the stars in the night sky tonite.

birds eventually leave the nest;
leaves eventually fall from trees.

these 3 years have been the most enjoyable time of my life, being close with my 2nd family, my RP volleyball girls team. though we come from different walks of life, and live different lifestyles, the bond we share in court and during trainings; irreplaceable.

These few years, I've gained alot from volleyball.

From year 1, the girl who knew nothing about volleyball, being introduced to volleyball during a sports camp with the volleyball guys team back then. The girl who has matured so much from back then. The girl who never understood what it meant by "team". Back then, i was only 17.

Those days in tanglin, were the most memorable. seeing sii, madd, xiaoling, gillian and zhijun and I fight together and promising each other one night in the middle of the court, that we'll never leave RP volleyball team and continue to fight one. And girls, we did it. We've fought the 3 years long battle, hand in hand. The small gym back then, the corridors we lian qiu at when it rained, C10-our 2nd home, our volleyball camps; (calling phloy in the middle of the night to ask her if she wanted pizza. haha.), rolling about the concrete floor to jie qiu, gillian banging the pole and crying about having a dented eyebrow, meiwei made to act girly by baokun, water bottles tied to my hands to set...i'll always remember these good times we had.

Then baokun left us crying at the back of TP sports complex like we did today, because he couldnt coach us anymore.
And today, 2 years later, we are left crying at the back of TP sports complex again, because its time that we have to leave RP volleyball girls team. Leaving behind close friends that have fought with us these 2 years. Rena xiao mo gu, Janis partnie, Shuhui, Shirui ah ma, continue to fight on with the RP spirit ok? Jiayou. RP ace.

This last match was the most enjoyable. It felt so good to fight alongside you guys. The spirit, the morale, the team bonding...was simply heartwarming. thanks to everyone who has made my life in RP so enjoyable, especially my vball girls.

Xiao Mo Gu, though it may be tough sometimes, dont give up on volleyball ok? I've seen your smiles while you played in court, and really, volleyball makes you smile loads too. haha. though it might be tough somtimes, and really trying to get that motivation..but nevertheless, vball makes you feel like home. it makes you smile. never give up on the things that make you smile alright?

Partnie, its been really fun to da fang with you these 2 years. ever since jiao lian paired us up to da fang during hmm..i cant remember when. lol. you've been the joy of mine in volleyball. Your cute ways in court are always so enjoyable to watch. hahaha =x you were my motivation to go for trainings these 2 years. Thanks for cheering me on when i needed it the most. partnie, thanks for the memories (: you too, jiayou alrights?

ah ma, its been tough on you to take on the position of captain because you're less outspoken than zhijun or gillian. but ah ma, give it your best shot alrights? you can de. just be a little more daring and scold when you need to and of course, must be nice also ah! thank you for your support in court today. ah ma held my hand and said to me, "i'll be your support" when i told her i was scared and was trembling in court. lol. anyways, gong he ace! haha. (:

madd, sii, hazel, gillian, zhijun and xiaoling, thank you for all the memories and for fighting together as well. the memories from tanglin campus (except hazel), you all have witness how much the team has matured these 3 years. and to see them improve so much; from one who cant spike, cant even jie first ball properly; a team who used to get trashed badly, to one who can win matches. everyone has matured so much. Hazel ah, thanks for being such a "hot, friendly and nice" person these 2 years too. hahahaha. =x


from the past till now:

where it all started;



the first IVP, the memorable back of TP sports complex. lol.




some of the teammates;



then year 2,




No matter how things change, memories remain. thanks everyone.

shitt. i still got fyp to complete by tonight. and its already 1.23am and i am still blogging. woohoo. i am in trouble. no sleep for me then.

can you listen to my heart? its raining in there;

and again and again and again. so he did follow me to sim lim afterall, lol. ilmdzz (:

RP girls won SIM 3-0! yippee~~
next up. RP against NP. abit worried though. NP led ahead of TP by winning the first 2 sets at the start of yesterday's match. But TP eventually won by claiming the next 3 sets. but the fight was so close, so exciting!
Not sure if RP girls will be able to win NP tomorrow though...their fang shou and spiking really good. but girls, jiayou! there's still a chance we can win! =))

went for chalet after thursday's match. had a really fun time but gained really obvious eyebags anyway. won $10.60 from mahjong! =x
and we went to wild wild wet. hehe. and then i had lots of twister fries! =)
and got to meet wong wong. its been a really long time since i've seen her.
all in all, chalet was really relaxing, though i didnt get to sleep much -_-".
Madd saw Junguang and Felicia there having chalet.just 2 people in one chalet.so romantic hor! hur hur. LOL. =p

guys match wasnt really nice to watch laa. so sad can. TP trashed RP like 7-25,5-25,4-25. it was relatively painful to watch. it didnt help that they had so little members present...work is an excuse not to go for match??? what is the world coming to. guys jiayou tmr. win nyp.

here are some pictures we some of us took after chalet.







sparklers at fullerton! wheeeee =D

when every minute feels like an hour.

is my attitude really that horrible?
am i some cocky bitch who doesnt ever accept anyone's critic about me?
am i that terrible??!?

ha ha ha.
maria.
when one gets treated like a maria, its time to let go.
that irritated tone just gets me all upset.

i shall learn to be independent on my own.
i will.
sim lim square. maybe i think its freaky to get lost while trying to find my way there, but yeah, shant complain anymore. will try it out alone.
go go mel. u're a survivor. u need no one.

from now on, i shall never voice out my insecurities again.
you'll never hear from me again.

everyone, goodluck for your ivp match today. i dunno why i am in, maybe just as a lesson for those who dont come for trainings, not anything else, but since i'm in, i'll be cheering the team on.

*-Melissa Ng. :]
*-090188
*-Capricorn.
*-Republic poly-Biotechnology. Year 3.
*-standing at a mere 163 cm. :|

LOVES
*-winter holidays
*-teddies
*-romance
*-the one who can make me smile. :]
*-colors: green, pink, blue
*-pumps [:
*-watching stars by the beach
*-donuts!
*-pretty stuffs
*-music. its my life.
*-sweet memories
*-to be loved and to love
*-beach volleyball
*-those havaianas slippers
*-NUM wear
*-puppies
*-hamsters
*-ice-skatingg
*-pretty earrings

HATES
*-cockroaches! EWWW.
*-jerks
*-ghosts :|
*-being heartbroken
*-people who make me cry
*-cocky people
*-backstabbers.

WANTS
*-that YOU
*-everything for my family
*-everything for my friends
*-to stay happy everyday
*-to slim down
*-to be pampered

Madd
Rena
Janjan
Ah ma
Sissy donkey
mr.lion kai
felicia
Junguang
Sueann
Gillian
Shuhui
Jiehui
Jasmine

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(c)mel

June 2006
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As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You’re the only love I’ll need

In my life you’re all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You’re the one that’s there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you

Imagine me without you
I’d be lost and so confused
I wouldn’t last a day, I’d be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it’s just impossible
Because of you, it’s all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can’t imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
You’re love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard me calling
And you rush to set me free

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you
I can’t imagine me without you